Occasionally, I have epiphanies. Generally they are random and make little to no sense to anyone but myself. Such as the epiphany of how marriage is based on the same idea as a zone defense in Ultimate frisbee. However, I generally feel a burning need to share them with someone… anyone. Since Kendall is out of town this weekend and preoccupied with more important things, this blog is left as my only audience when I have an idea that won’t let me sleep.
Tonight was a rough night at work. I made starkly less money than I, or any other server, is accustomed to on a Saturday night at our establishment. This can always weigh heavily on you but it seemed even worse since not a single person that had come through my three meager tables on this night had left unhappy. Everyone left with a smile on his/her face, having enjoyed each other’s and my company. Unfortunately, everyone was also leaving with his/her money still in his/her wallet. Leaving me little wiggle room for groceries this week.
This can be a degrading feeling as a person. There is a certain appeal to serving for me, the knowledge that I am getting rewarded for work that I have done is very exciting. On the flip side, equally and perhaps even moreso depressing for me is when I do the work but am not rewarded. As strange as it seems, since it’s only a dead end job, this can leave one struggling with feelings of self-worth.
“Was my time invested really only worth four dollars? Am I just not good enough for a bigger tip? Can I be so easily tread upon?”
Generally, when I’m struggling with these issues at work, I try to voice them in a funny way that will make everyone else laugh and get my mind off of the fact that I’m not quite sure how I’m going to pay for my oil change. This often involves hyperbole.
My weapon of choice tonight as I walked back into the cafe and was greeted by several other servers:
“Will someone please tell me something that makes it feel like my life was worth living tonight.”
Then my world was blown apart.
Zach, another server at the restaurant, was in the cafe. I hardly know Zach, he’s only been working at the restaurant for a month or so and we rarely work the same shifts. He’s from Alabama and it shows, from his accent to his haircut, he’s purebred, BBQ-fed, Bama boy through and through.
After my rather outlandish statement (which, in retrospect, is probably a little too overboard. What message does it send to those around me about my life if I’m willing to say such things. Not to mention what little it does to brighten everyone else’s day… digression over) Zach apparently took the challenge head on. After a couple of chuckles and a brief silence, he looked up at me with a completely straight face.
“You’ve got a fiancé that loves you,” he said matter of factly.
Suddenly, my mind was in another place and this was all I could see:
Instantly, I was ashamed. I often times think of how many folks walk in and out of the restaurant everyday that haven’t experienced 1/1,000,000th of the love that I get on an everyday basis. I was once again reminded of Jesse’s thoughts on love. Yet here I was, complaining about the “sad state of my life” when, to be quite frank, I’m the richest man I know.
My riches come not from worldly possessions but instead from love. Love from two main sources. Firstly, from the Lord and secondly, from Kendall. I can stand here and honestly tell you and Kendall and I are more in love than any two people that have ever walked this Earth. However, our love compares not even in the slightest to that of Jesus’ love for the church.
At 4:40 in the above video, a young man from Clemson hits the nail right on the head while fighting a futile fight against Brother Micah Armstrong, a fire and brimstone type preacher who crusades all over college campuses condemning the lifestyles of any and all people and focusing on the wrathful nature of God, leaving no room for the loving nature.
I’m having trouble tying this all together but where I think I’m headed is an astonishment at the love that I am surrounded with. What’s hard to fathom is that, in that moment, when Zach pointed out that I had a fiancé that loved me and that had to be worth something, I was stopped in my tracks by the mere pondering of Kendall’s love for me. However, Christ’s and my Heavenly Father’s love is so far beyond that, I love the way the kid emphasizes the world’s most famous Bible verse in the above video, he shouts it.
“For God SO LOVED THE WORLD…”
I’ve been pondering on this for the last couple weeks and this idea of God’s love for us is why I am excited about the song at the top of this post being played at the wedding. I’m stunned, stunned, when I think on the love between Kendall and I. However, it’s a mere fraction, the tiniest of fractions, of the Father’s love for all of us.
Don’t listen to the Brother Micah’s of the world. Don’t listen to those needling, piercing thoughts in the back of your mind that lead to down a path of despair and self-doubt. Instead ask yourself this question:
How deep is the Father’s love for us?
Ruminate on that instead and see what kind of world that takes you to.
Love really is the only thing worth living for. And I don’t think we will ever comprehend the depths of God’s love for each of us until we see Him face to face.
But you’re an idiot if you think you and Kendall love each other more than any couple who has ever walked this Earth. Why? Because in a month you’ll love each other a lot more, and then years down even more so. So you aren’t even outdoing your self right now (unless you only think in the past, but that is boring).
I also looked at the wikepedia for that Brother Micah and am proud to see his primary source of income is suing universities for when people hit him. That a way to be a representer of the Kingdom!
Proud of you Mike!
gusto, mucho!